4. Told to Take Time Off—Then Shut Out: How SF Eagle Turned My Grief into Grounds for Removal
This is Part 4 of a 7-part account of what happened to me — and to others who were directly affected.
It’s based on what we experienced, what we witnessed, and what we remember. When I describe what someone else did, I’m doing so honestly and carefully. I have documentation and support from others for the key parts. I’m not trying to harm anyone — I’m telling the truth about the harm we lived through.
Read Part 1 • Back to Part 3 • Go to Part 5 →
In 2024, immediately following the passing of my partner, I returned to work at SF Eagle to appear on stage for a grant that Lex had invited me to participate in. Shortly after, Randy asked me to manage the lights for a drag brunch the following weekend—an unusual request, as that was the only time someone specifically worked lights for that show.
In September 2024, after my hospital visit, I accepted an offer from the Filth team to take temporary medical leave.
9/9/24, 5:22PM
Richard: "Hey guys, I've been thinking about the stress that Alberto is currently experiencing. Alberto, I think it would be a wise for you to take the rest of the year off to sort out the issues that you are dealing with. Concentrate on getting well and then re-join us in the new year. Our mental health is so important and when we go through trauma, we need time to heal and if we're trying to promote a party when we're going through so much personally it's not good for anybody including our team. It's not that we don't love you because you know I love you a lot and Randy does as well but your mental health is paramount to anything and I want to see you get the help you need without worrying about the party and all the responsibilities that goes with it. At the Eagle in the safe are last months and this months share of the earnings."
Alberto: "Sounds good. Completely agree, Thank you for understanding. Love you both."
That was the start of my break.
When I attempted to return in March 2025, I was denied reinstatement.
The only justification given was the one manager’s discomfort with me simply being present.
Here’s the start of the call on March 1st:
Transcript of Randy (start of call):
“When we approached the break with you, even then, like, you were like, no show, no call. There were times you just came in at the end to grab money, and I’m just like, why are we putting all of this work in?
You know, starting this fucking party, Jeff harassed me for six fucking months to come up with a party, and then finally I had it ready to go, and then I presented it to Lex, I presented it to Jeff, and then I was like, hey, do you guys want to, you know, collaborate, and let’s just do something fun together.
And then—I don’t—I know the loss of your partner was bad, that’s why we wanted to make sure you were good mentally, but we’re—I understand you were in and out of the hospital, but like, why not, hey, I’m mentally not ready, I can’t come back? Like, there was, you know, we were left in the cold.
And so I just went. We’ve been going hard on it, so I’m a little taken back from some of the things that I’m hearing right now. Because I’m like—I get your circumstances, Alberto, I’m not a cold person, but like, at the end of the day, you could’ve easily messaged us the last two and a half months going, listen guys, I know you get to the end of the year, I’m still trying to work some shit out—but nothing.
So at that point, taking it in as abandonment… one of the collaborators I brought on board is, you know, not really into it, which then gave me more PTSD of all the other stuff leading up to like, do you need a break? Do you need a break?
Because where I’m standing now, like, honestly, I don’t know. Like Richard and I have been hanging it out, compromising, and fucking nailing it. I just don’t understand—why now?”
That call wasn’t a check-in. It wasn’t about support. It was about defending a decision that had already been made and putting it all on me.
Still, I said clearly on the call:
“I’m just coming back from the leave we agreed upon—since I wasn’t ready then, but I am now…”
I went to explain my hospital visits and the panic attacks. Randy then cuts me off while I was trying to explain:
“At the end of the day, I don’t care what’s going on in the world. My mental health is the most important thing for me, as should your mental health be the most important thing for you.”
He then said he felt offended that I had taken gigs with Truck during my break. He said it made him feel like I was doing more for them than for him, and that he saw it as a kind of betrayal.
I tried to explain that gig and offered suggestions of what I could still do. I pointed out gaps I could help fill. Randy replied:
Randy: "Okay. Yeah, I think, uh, you know, I appreciate the offer. I just, I feel like, I don’t know. I don’t think I feel comfortable working together again. Um, and it’s nothing personal. It’s just, I think that the way everything has gone down, it’s just not something I really want to revisit. You know, I think it’s best if we all just kind of go our separate ways. And, you know, I wish you the best, and I hope things turn around for you. But, um, I just don’t think it’s a good idea to try to pick things back up.
Alberto: "Um, I, I just, I, you know, it, it was not clear to me that that was the, the end point."
Randy: "I mean, you know, I just, I think it’s, it’s been hard on everybody, and I think, I think we all kind of have to, like, just be honest with ourselves about what we can handle and what we can’t. And, um, you know, I don’t have any hard feelings or anything. I just, I don’t want to reopen any wounds or, or go back into situations that are going to, um, create more tension, you know?"
Alberto: "I guess, um, just one thing I wanted to ask, you know, before, uh, did you feel like I was pulling my weight before I left, or was that something that, you know, factored into this? Because I was never given that impression."
Randy: "I think you were trying, but I think there was a lot of tension between us, and I think it started affecting the overall vibe and the team. And I think that’s something that, you know, we all kind of noticed. And it’s hard, because we’re all trying to do our best, but sometimes things just don’t click the way we want them to."
Alberto: "Right. okay”
That's how the phone call ended.
My actual work performance was never mentioned.
At the end of the call, Randy asked for “one week of space” without contact, citing his mental health and needing time to consider his final decision. I respected that request and didn’t contact him for a full week.
At this point, I realized that even when I followed every request—even when I respected his space and stuck to what we had agreed—I could still be penalized for how I handled my own recovery. That taught me something I didn’t want to learn: no version of healing, and no version of showing up as myself, was ever going to be safe enough to be accepted here.
Randy’s repeated use of subjective language “I feel,” “it’s just not something I really want to revisit,” “overall vibe” reinforces my concern that this decision was not based on my actual performance, but on personal discomfort.
It’s important to clear something up. Randy claims he solely owns Filth. That version disregards my work and that of Matthew Black’s, who runs Horse Market and is the third co-founder of Filth.
On that call, Randy made it sound like the event was his gift to us.
Here’s how Filth started in Matt’s words.
Later that same month, I learned that two other employees returned smoothly from their bereavement leaves. I was the only one denied.
One post that stood out came from another SF Eagle manager, Shawn Andrews, who shared a similar experience with grief on Facebook on March 31st. The topic was something Randy had pointed out as his reason that he felt offended in the first place. The energy it takes to reply during grief:
...and often again [I] don't have the energy or emotions to respond to y'all. Also I have most of my notifications turned off so I don’t always see messages/texts. When I have started typing a response I stop when I think about getting more texts back so I just don't respond sometimes and then forgot to respond altogether.
I understand how that can be frustrating but that's where I am right meow and if you don't like that I am sure there is some door you can use somewhere to see yourself out but I am no longer going to stress about it and feel bad because I don't think that's helping me right now.
This is based on my experience, and on what others who were directly affected went through. Everything here reflects how we saw things happen. When I talk about what someone else did, I’m being honest and careful, sharing what I witnessed or was told. I have documentation and support from others for the key parts of this. I’m not trying to cause harm — I’m telling the truth about harm that happened to me, and to others.
Supporting documents are available upon request.
